Mama Blanche
Lisa Harper, Thompson’s Station
When did you decide to adopt?
I was 40 years old and went to a conference where the breakout speaker started talking about adoption. I thought she was going to talk about missions and caring for people, but she started talking about adoption. I did not even know if I was allowed to adopt as an older single woman, but I couldn’t let it go when I heard the statistic there are approximately 150 million orphans around the world. Many will die from preventable things, like not having access to clean water, and there are many who will age out of foster care without ever having a family. I found myself thinking best case scenario is a kid gets a mom and a dad and the whole Norman Rockwell thing, but that’s not reality so I thought maybe an older single chick in Tennessee had a chance. A woman I knew from church even told me she did not think I should consider adopting because I had been molested as a child. She went on to tell me to go to counseling so I would not transfer the traumatic experience to a child and encouraged me to adopt a dog instead. So that is exactly what I did, I adopted a dog. It was seven more years before I was brave enough to dip my toe back in the pond of adoption.
How did you learn about Missy?
A former youth pastor at Two Rivers Baptist, Mike Wilson, and his wife Missy, had gone on a couple of mission trips to Haiti and decided they needed to move there. After they moved to Haiti, the Wilsons started an outreach, My Life Speaks, which is an incredible holistic program. They knew they could not change all of Haiti but thought if they moved into one small area they could impact that area. They started with a feeding program and now have a school, medical care, soccer clinics, music, and a lot of other helpful programs for the village.
Now here is where it all connects. My friend Michelle was going to Haiti with the group Thomas Rhett is involved with now called Love One, to see if they could get a grant to help the Wilsons start a kitchen to feed more children. This had nothing to do with adoption, but while Michelle was in Haiti a group of villagers came running out to the Wilsons asking if they could use their car because little Missy’s momma, Marie, was very sick and needed to go to the hospital. They had never met Marie before because her aunt always brought her to the feeding program, but anywhere in Haiti anyone with HIV or AIDS is an outcast. At the hospital, the doctor explained Marie had passed away before they got there and wanted to know if they knew she had aids. The doctor then sees Missy, who is two years old, and says there’s good chance she is HIV positive too and wanted to test her. Michelle was sitting in the ER when the doctor came back to let them know Missy was very sick and because there was no family to take care of Missy, she’ll be put in a state-run facility. The doctor then gave Missy two months.
Michelle knew I had just lost the baby for adoption felt like the Holy Spirit told her Lisa Harper is supposed to be her mother. Meanwhile I’m at a Women of Faith Seminar, two weeks after I lost the adoption, four days before I was supposed to bring the baby home. We were on a break and not supposed to use our phones, but I had a message. There were storms in Nashville, and I thought something was wrong. When I listened to my voicemail it was Michelle telling me she just got home from Haiti and met a little girl she and thought I was supposed to be her mom. I called her back and within 30 minutes she told me that doctor did not give Missy much time and Michelle said, ‘I know you don’t have the bandwidth to say yes, but would you pray about possibly adopting Missy?’ I said, ‘NO, I have been praying about this for thirty years – sign me up!’ When I got off the phone I thought what in the world have I done! I don’t know how to do this; I don’t know how to adopt a child from another country much less transracially. Then I took the next step and six weeks later was on a plane to Haiti.
What was it like the first time you met Missy?
I stepped off the bus in rural Haiti and Missy, who was iddy biddy, was standing there with her great aunt, Fifi, who is the reason I got to adopt Missy. Fifi knew she could not care for Missy long term because of health issues and she really wanted her to have a family. When I stepped off the bus Fifi puts Missy in my arms and I’m like no, no, no because I wanted to give her time to get to know me. Missy was like who is this big pale woman. Again Fifi was just insistent because she thought I was Missy’s only hope, which Missy is the greatest gift God ever gave me, but she places Missy in my arms and she is just scowling at me and after a minute she reached up grabbed my pinky finger and said, ‘Hello mama blanche.’ Just stick a fork in me, I’m done! That’s the day I met her; she was just a little peanut 2 ½ years old.
Did you think about changing her name?
She already had to make so many changes in her life, the last thing I want to do was change her name. Her name is Melissa, and I gave her my little brother’s middle name so she is Melissa Prince Harper. A lot of people do change their adoptive child’s name and that’s a real personal thing, but I thought that’s her name and she knows it. If I had adopted a baby, I always wanted my child to be Harper Elizabeth because I love Harper in To Kill A Mockingbird. But I was not married, and Harper Harper sounded a little redundant. Missy fits her!
What was the adjustment period like for both you and Missy?
I had done a lot of counseling, went to transitional specialist, and was as prepared as I knew how to be. Because of the stories they tell you, I expected it to be tough and some of my friends very real experiences have been tough. There were medical issues that were hard at first because I didn’t know what I was doing. We had appointments at Vanderbilt and afterwards all I had to do was go get these scripts filled. I went to 11 pharmacies trying to get them filled because I didn’t know how hard it was to get pediatric antiretrovirals. That was my first full day home. There was also a communication gap. My Creole is terrible, and she didn’t yet speak English, so we did a lot of charades at first. Missy had been around me for two years because I was able to go back and forth to Haiti since it was only an hour and half away from Miami. Because of this, I was with her as much as possible and she knew and trusted me. She called me mama blanche, white mama, which I think really meant Santa with wider hips (laugh), but we at least had a relationship. I was 50 years old and went through menopause and motherhood at the same time. Looking back, it didn’t seem hard then because I was so grateful to have her and I knew she was going to be okay. Even when it was hard, we laughed a lot more than we cried. Missy has always been a fighter, brave, and has a very sweet heart.
What advice would you give someone considering adoption?
I would say if you are at 50.1% do it! It is a pretty long and involved process and in my opinion God will show you during the process because if you get partway in and you don’t think this is for your family, there are so many opportunities to see if this is the right season. It is a long process, even domestically, and it can take well over a year. The only regret I have with regards to adoption is I wish I had started sooner because I could have adopted more children. Missy was adopted when she was four and a half on April 14, 2014 and has been the greatest gift!
As a world traveler, what has been one of your most memorable trips with Missy?
In spring 2020, we went to Israel and Missy told me she wanted to be baptized in Jordan River and I thought that would be awesome. The North Jordan is where all the tourists are, and it is quite beautiful, but we were at the South Jordan where you have all the agricultural runoff, and it is not pretty but that is the historical site where John the Baptist baptized Jesus. It was a rainy and cold day, but sure enough Missy got baptized in the Jordan River that day. It’s really been extraordinary to know she was in a Haiti orphanage and now she’s this exuberant extremely healthy little world traveler.
What do you two enjoy doing together?
We are big laughers, so lots and lots of laughing. It behooves me to laugh, but not when I’m on the trampoline because I tend to wet my pants on the trampoline (laugh). That’s part of being an old mama. I started riding motorcycles when I was little and when I turned 40, I decided if I didn’t get a husband I was going to get a Harley-Davidson. I bought my first street bike at 40, but I wasn’t going to put Missy on a motorcycle because of the inherent risk. Motorcycles are the main form of transportation in Haiti and when Missy saw the motorcycle in my garage she knew what it was and said, ‘Mama Moto Moto.’ Long story short, we now have a three wheeled motorcycle and love it! In fact, you’ll see us in Maury County because we ride here on any pretty day in the spring or fall. Missy gets in the back and we have Bluetooth in our helmets so we can talk back and forth and listen music. That is one of our favorite things to do these days.